Smile...I'm singing again!

I went to the Christmas party for my favourite toddler group yesterday and I was somewhat disappointed to find that any form of Jesus had been written out of the scene.  We were learning "all about Christmas" and yet there was no mention of a wise man or a star...even what I would call angels were described as Christmas fairies!  All nursery rhymes had been re-written for us to sing including santa, reindeer, snowmen and presents.  Don't get me wrong I love a good present but surely (and I apologise for this in advance) JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON!

So I have taken it upon myself to re-write some of the classics with a nativity theme so you can sing them to your little ones (or yourself!) and learn all about the real, the very first, the one and only Christmas:

Smile...they're singing again dear!

Twinkle, twinkle little star,
how I wonder what you are,
up above the world so high,
to tell of Jesus birth nearby,
twinkle, twinkle little star,
how I wonder what you are!



To the tune of here we go round the mulberry bush:

Here we go down to Bethlehem, Bethlehem, Bethlehem
here we go down to Bethlehem, on a cold and dusty morning

the wise-men went to...

the shepherds went to...

Jesus was born in...

To the tune of three little men in a flying saucer:

3 wise-men riding on their camels,
went through the desert one day,
one looked left to right but he didn't like the sight
so he followed the star away,

2 wise-men...

1 wise man...

To the tune of Old McDonald:

Baby Jesus born in a Barn E,i,e,i,o,
and in that barn there was a....

donkey, cow, sheep etc

To the tune of Head, shoulders, knees and toes:
Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh, cense and Myrrh!
Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh, cense and Myrrh!
Gifts to give the new born king!
Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh, cense and Myrrh!

Please let me know if you can think of any more, five isn't many but my creativity has peaked today at that and banana muffins :)

I want a breadstick...

On returning home from nursery...

"Mummy I want porridge"

"Really? but isn't porridge a breakfast food?"

"I WANT PORRIDGE!"

"She's been talking about it all the way home" adds Daddy

"Wouldn't you rather have a bread stick" says Mummy, thinking this a more reasonable post-nursery snack.

"No, I want porridge"

"Ok you can have porridge"

*makes porridge*

"it's ready, come and sit at the table"

"NOOOO! I want to look at it first"

*toddler looks at and contemplates porridge*

"Mummy."

"Yes"

"I want a bread stick"

For. Crying. Out. Loud!

Jesus said "I am the bread of life" John 6:48 :)

Mad Mum, Bad Mum, Feeling a little bit Sad Mum

Dear Mad Mum...

you haven't left the house without one of your children for nearly four months...you can't see your bedroom carpet or remember its colour for the dirty washing and misplaced toys...hair bands are your best friend as they hide the grease really well...don't look too closely at the kitchen it makes your skin crawl...bite your tongue to stop yourself from cursing when you stand on the toy train/toy cutlery/ safety plug which the toddler can now remove from the socket...feed your screaming baby without being sicked on as said baby has a chest infect...smile sweetly and say "maybe later" as you hear the request "more Peppa Pig" for the 26th time in the past hour...
...and for the love of all things remember you're going out this Saturday for the first time in nearly four months without either of your children, to a murder mystery party no less which will hopefully satisfy the need to kill something.... in a safe and imaginary context...

Dear Bad Mum...

you have once again told the baby to shut up...although quietly so the toddler didn't hear so that's an improvement... you have given in and put baby to sleep on her stomach, despite all the recommendations and despite trying to feel ok with it you still feel like a terrible Mum...you fed the toddler hash browns and fish fingers smothered in ketchup because you just can't be bothered to battle her yet again to eat pasta or rice or potatoes or anything that doesn't really go with ketchup...you gave in and bought the ludicrously expensive packet of chocolate buttons at the chemist today to keep the peace and fed them to the toddler at 10 in the morning....you want to teach her all about Jesus but yet again can't be bothered to find the time to read the bible for yourself today...

Dear Sad Mum...

self pity is not your colour, despite being a sinner you still have more self awareness than your toddler and baby, some attitudes are just not acceptable- buck up your ideas.  Don't begrudge the fact that Jesus died for you because you just can't be bothered to say sorry and you'd rather wallow in self pity in vain hopes that if you just feel guilty enough God might accept you and then you wouldn't have to put upon Jesus once again and admit that you're useless and in need of a Saviour....
...It's ok to go out for the evening it might make you begrudge your children less....
...  Fish fingers aren't all that bad...

yours sincerely, Holly

Mummy...where's Jesus?

oh how I chuckle and hope no one notices!

During a rather placid teatime of sausage and pasta...

"Mummy"
"yes"

"Where's Jesus?"

"Where's Jesus!?" Ummm...in heaven sitting next to God"

"Oh. Can we go?"

"Go where? To heaven?"

"Yeah"

"One day, yes"

"oh, not now Mummy, it's getting late.  Can I play outside in a minute?"

"no darling, it's getting late"


Clearly it is completely reasonable not to go to heaven right now because it's getting late, but playing outside...well that's a different matter !

18 will have to do on baby number two

1.Somehow I have more than twice the work…

2.I have not continued into Mummy-hood I have become Mummy all over again from scratch because:

3.Baby number two is nothing like baby number one

4.I have ceased to care about dark circles under my eyes, the amount of biscuits and tv consumed by baby (now toddler) number one or the price of nappies

5.I consider 7am a lie in

6.I consider chocolate and a cup of tea by 8:30pm on a Saturday an absolute rave

7.I am constantly amazed that someone so small can create so much washing

8.I am constantly amazed that someone so perfectly formed once lived inside me

9.I am constantly amazed at my functionality to sleep deprivation ratio resulting in shopping done, tea cooked and toddler entertained more often than not

but

10.I am shocked and dismayed at how quick I am to lose my cool during the night

11.I am shocked by how much I think about what people think of me as I discipline my toddler in public (whilst baby no2 is abandoned in car seat!)

12.I am shocked that there is yet more undiscovered, previously un-dealt with selfishness lurking in my heart...

13.I am shocked that I do not know it all and I am begrudgingly learning humility

14.I am overwhelmed by the commitment it requires to bring little people into this world

15.I am overwhelmed by the commitment required to teach them this world is not their real home and to help them strive for their eternal one in all that they say and do

however

16.I am grateful that Jesus’ blood speaks a better word over my really bad days of failed routines, unmet targets and occasional shouting matches with the toddler

17.I am grateful that Jesus blood speaks a better word over days that are so good they could be photographed and slapped across the front of Mother & Baby all glossy and boastful.

I am struggling to get to a nice rounded 20 without stretching previous comments or racking my brain for more time than I have to spare so I’ll just finish with:

18.  I am in total agreement with the following statement: "...to have a child-it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around the outside of your body" Elizabeth Stone

Thankful Thursdays

I am thankful that today lovely little lady no.1 is at nursery!

I am thankful that last night I had a better night’s sleep.

I am thankful that little lady no.2 is having nice periods of wakefulness during the day and has begun to smile at me.

The smiles make the trauma and sleeplessness of the first six weeks worth it. However I still want to hit people who say to me “enjoy every moment, they grow up so fast”.  Too true, they do grow up fast, and thanks for all the added pressure of enjoying every moment, on top of keeping myself and little lady no.1 clean, fed and sane.

I am thankful for every moment but I have not necessarily enjoyed it.  Babies are hard work!  It has not helped that last week the husband worked nearly 80 hours and was away on one of the worst nights with little lady no.2 so far.  I have had my patience, gentleness, kindness and self-control tested to the max and unfortunately after one slip of the tongue I find myself having to explain to little lady no.1 why Mummy said “shut up” to the baby, in  a less than friendly tone, and why she should not repeat it.  Not exactly enjoyable! More guilty trippy really.

I find it currently hard to cope with the fact that although sleeplessness doesn’t help the situation it is not to blame for my sin.  The bitterness and self-centredness was already there it was just lurking deeper in my heart than I ever imagined and it has taken the tornado of baby + toddler + extremely busy husband to bring it into the harsh light of day.

However I am thankful that the Lord has never and hasn’t currently given me circumstances beyond what I can endure and I am trying to be thankful that he works to make me more like Jesus all the time!  Now is the right time for me to have two children, it wouldn’t be easier at a different stage of life, or if…or if…or if….  God has given me what I need right now, in this moment, to make me rely on him even more than ever before.  I depend on him for patience, gentleness, kindness and self-control more than I could ever have imagined.

In moments of despair when I feel it’s all too much to handle I am thankful that he has “delivered me from the domain of darkness and transferred me into the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom I have redemption, the forgiveness of my sins” Colossians 1:13-14.

And in moments of gummy smiles and happy toddler I am thankful that in all things he is teaching me “to walk in a manner worthy of him” Colossians 1:10 and that he wants me bear fruit as a wife and Mummy personally and for his kingdom’s sake, so whatever happens, whatever comes next I can live… and sometimes sleep in a way that is fully pleasing to him. 

newborns like to keep you on your toes...

I've corks up my nose...literally it feels like corks.  The lack of sleep has led my immune system to go on holiday and I have become Bummy.  Not Mummy, oh no.  The M sound is too hard to attain at this germ infested stage of new born sleep deprivation.

Also feeling a bit like a 24 hour dairy farm.  Little Lady no.2 fed every 45 minutes between 5pm and 1am yesterday and as much as I'd like to give her a dummy the Mummy Guilt and Dummy Righteousness creep in and I think to myself "no child of mine at three weeks old will have a dummy!" and then I look at my bed all cold and un-disheveled and I think would it be so bad?

On the plus side there are many interesting dramas and documentaries on at the moment that I'm finding time to watch/doze off during.  I have in particular enjoyed the last 20 minutes of "The Men Who Made Us Thin" at least three times...but I still don't know precisely how they did it....

Thankfully Little Lady no.1 has been brilliant, calm and collected, giving hugs, putting nappies in bins (whilst keeping up the potty training) and she really understands when we say "no that's not yours it baby's!" and we have had very few tantrums.  Feeling thankful for small mercies.

Also reveling in the fact that no two days are the same and so I never have to feel anxious that tonight will be as hard as last night because newborns like to keep you on your toes, or perhaps more precisely on your knees.

I'm on my knees...changing nappies and throwing myself very much at the mercy of God.  Not feeling like wondermum, just trusting that the patience, gentleness, self-control and love that I need to get through each day is something that God freely provides for me in Jesus.  I don't have to expend extra energy welling it all up from some unknown (yet undeniably limited) pool of inner strength. I can just relax in the knowledge that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

a royal baby...

I am as excited as much as the next Kate and Wills fan about the arrival of the Royal Baby. I was secretly hoping that baby no.2 would be born on the same day, and we were even prepared (had the new Royal Babe been a girl) to give our little one the same name...well middle name at least. But it was a boy so that solves that issue... 

this is what I got when I typed in Royal Baby!

You've got to the love the pomp and circumstance too, the crier outside the hospital, the golden easel outside Buckingham Palace, the processions today, let alone the world media and basic 24 hour coverage of the event. Woe betide anything else to happen in the world for the next couple of days because you cannot compete with the Royal Baby! Oodles of messages of congratulations have been sent from all over the world and I am considering sending a card myself! 

But all this fuss got me a thinking... this is just a baby, yeah sure a Royal baby, but only 'a'. A baby. Not actually 'The Royal Baby', this baby no matter how Royal, is one of many Royal babies, past, present and future. But Jesus was the baby. Singular and eternal Royal Baby.  And what did he get?  A feeding trough for a bed and I bet "The Bethlehem Post" probably didn't even bother to make an announcement.  He wasn't born under the best medical team in a private hospital wing with internet and fridge included.  Ok God sent his own angelic criers to announce the birth but to smelly dirty shepherds.  It's outrageous it would be like Kate and Wills sending their birth announcement to the homeless chap three doors down and inviting him to come and see their baby... Jesus' birth was so much more important than that of the new Royal, so much more significant and yet his circumstances assumed nothing.

No silver spoon for Jesus, no Obaby top of the range all singing all dancing pram, sure he got a few presents, a bit of gold, frankincense and myrrh but if you look at what those things represented for his life you'd think they were a bit weird and a bit naff and quite frankly a little inappropriate for a baby. 

I don't know where else I'm going with this post really, all I know is that Jesus is King and Lord of the universe and yet his arrival as The Royal Baby was pretty much overlooked, normal, average, a bit dirty, a bit smelly and shared with a few cows...talk about humility, talk about sacrifice because if anyone deserved the pomp and ceremony it was Jesus.

I guess all I'm trying to say is I feel kind of proud to know such a humble king.

Just a little note to say...

Dear people who have swept and mopped my floor lately, taken my bins out, cleaned my bathroom and hoovered my carpets, people who have prayed for me, with me and pointed me towards God's goodness again.

You know who you are.

What you don't know is just how much your servant heartedness has encouraged me this week. I am grateful for your kindness, willingness and wanting nothing-in-return-ness. I am so grateful for such a wonderful biological family, family-in-law, spiritual family and friends in general who have demonstrated such generosity (and I say this because my kitchen and dining room floor were particularly disgusting after a hectic and messy birthday party for the little lady even I didn't want to sort them out but you did!)

This is nothing more than a quick thank you and a general acknowledgement that through you God has provided for me and mine in so many ways I cannot begin to count them! 

So be encouraged people who have swept and mopped my floor lately, taken my bins out, cleaned my bathroom and hoovered my carpets, people who have prayed for me, with me and pointed me towards God's goodness again. I could not have made it through these past few hectic weeks without you.

As I approach d-day for munchkin number two I feel confident (albeit tired) because I know my God is a God who provides.

Lots of love to you all Holly, Hubby, Co-co and bump x x x 

Freedom Las Vegas

For ages (because I didn't really listen to the song) I thought it said "freedom Las Vegas".  Alas now I know better and I always feel a bit silly for thinking it said "freedom".  But despite feeling silly it's the ditty I sometimes sing in my head when I am pleased about completing or finishing something.

It's the ditty I sung to myself today as I finally left my place of work for the very last time as an employee! 

Hooray! I made it through!  I came so close to quitting so many times because I know now that I want to be a "full time, stay at home Mum" (take as much or as little offence as you like at the phrases) and having to go to work again and again was literally agonizing.  Tears have been shed, husband yelled at, cat sworn at, lovely little lady ignored because I was consumed by having to go to work when I wanted more than anything to be at home....

But God gave me strength and perseverance and got me through my severe "please don't make me go syndrome". He gave me a lovely place to work, kind people to work with and a generous and understanding manager. So admittedly, despite being happy to leave to be a "full time, stay at home Mum", I have had a little cry or four over the past couple of days because actually I'm really sad to leave.  I'm sad because I've made some wonderful friends, met some amazing people, heard some brilliant stories and been really privileged to look after so many people and I'll never get to walk the work corridors in the same way again.  

But this I know. That God gives grace for all situations. He doesn't promise easy rides but he promises sufficient grace in all areas of our lives.  He gave me plenty of grace to help me get through these last few months at work even though my heart was and is firmly fixed on my home and family. And no doubt when things are hard as a "full time, stay at home Mum" and I'm partly wishing I was back at work, I trust he will prove himself faithful all over again and provide me with more grace.  Grace is like the manna God provided for the Israelites in the desert. God provides just the right amount for each day, all I have to do is pay attention and go collect it wherever I am, whatever I'm doing.  I'm not going to be collecting it, living by it at my care home anymore but as a "full time, stay at home Mum". 

Same grace. Different place.

Potty training and rock collecting!

So the lovely little lady is waking from her nap and I have found time to blog hooray! I have found that the lady is very much like me and wants to take her own sweet time when it comes to getting up from a nap. Yes I nap at the moment as it's T minus 6 weeks until D Day.  I open her curtains and blind and allow her to come to her senses which usually take around 15 minutes any other attempts by me will arouse a chorus of her new favourite phrase "no muma!" although at least at nap time she doesn't wag her finger at me.

here are a few other bumblings of the little lady of late I thought I'd catch you all up on:

1. Potty Training.  Which, after 3 days at home with nothing on but her t-shirt, the little lady is making leaps and bounds at home with Muma.  She applauds herself after doing a nice big "wawee" and is still allowed the occasional chocolate button as reward after a successful poop! She has however realised that Muma will get her out of the car or out of the high chair if she says she needs a wee and then off she trots to her own devices...cheeky monkey.  One has wised up slightly now and the little lady has learnt the word for "wait!" which she says and signs in an accurate Mr. Tumble voice.

2. Rock collecting.  If you are not, dear reader, immersed in the world of In the Night Garden and you have a toddler- where have you been?  We went for a lovely albeit stony walk on Saturday during which the little lady wanted to do nothing but pick up stones and pebbles and give them to Makka Pakka.  She's very much taking the role seriously at home as we are in the final stages of renovating our garden and every evening Muma or Dadaaaa and certainly "Meeeee" go "out-out side" to collect in a yellow bucket the inordinate amount of stones on our soon to be lawn. "For Pakpak", "yes they're for Makka Pakka..." and onto the rubble pile they go when she's not looking!

3. Testing Muma's patience.  "No Muma" with the wagging finger was cute...at first.  But after the 37th time today it's wearing thin.  Sometimes I don't have to say anything! I looked at her the other day in a way which she clearly didn't not approve of and she shut her bedroom door on me and from behind it I heard "No Muma". I was about to explode when I realised it was an all to real picture of how I am guilty of treating God sometimes and so thinking upon God's character I decided to be kind and patient and just knock gently until she let me in.

4. Co-Co turn.  This is how she says her name.  EVERYTHING is Co-co's turn even when it's really not and this is how so many pairs of knickers end up with two legs in one hole, milk ends up on the kitchen floor and I end up with back brushed hair because it's Co-co's turn!  Somethings I'm just saying no to and risking a good scolding no.3 style!

Short and sweet people just a snap shot into our recent days.

May the 24th be with you...no other Star Wars references made promise/ sorry.

So I read this in Proverbs 13:12 and I thought it was a really striking image.

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life"

Deferred hope. . .

what is deferred hope. . .?

I guess it's anything in life I'm hoping in to be my "tree of life".  It's anything and all the things I'm trusting in to make my life meaningful, eventful and hopefully even memorable.  And most of the time I have to admit that those things are very rarely Jesus centred.  Most of them are good gifts from God but I have failed to praise the gift giver and have instead given homage to the gift and elevated it to a position in my life where I hope it will bring me "life", joy, happiness and contentment.

Every time I act as if being a good mum, a godly wife, a caring church member, a good person, a moral person, a slightly better than "that other person" person are desires to be fulfilled and that I should make every effort to fulfill them I am actually sabotaging my chance to have my deepest needs met.  

Why is this? It is because I have mistaken those things for the "tree of life" and I have forgotten that righteousness, forgiveness and grace through Jesus' life, death and resurrection are my only true needs. They are the only things worth hoping in. Unlike anything else they will not make my heart sick but will truly lead to  "life", joy, happiness and contentment. Living a life characterised by the righteousness, forgiveness and grace that is mine because of Jesus will make my life truly meaningful, truly eventful and truly memorable, even if only to Jesus.

A very simple and no doubt flawed analogy, that would probably anger many an atheist hey-ho:

the little lady's shape sorter. . .stars, triangles, squares and circles.  I have spent hours helping her to learn that no matter how hard she tries the square shape simply will not fit in the circle hole.  I have a Jesus shaped hole in my heart and only he can fill it. My children cannot, my husband cannot, bible knowledge, disciplined quiet times, good character, good driving, home baking, hand sewing and clean bathrooms (delete as applicable/add your own in) cannot fill that Jesus shaped hole. Why...because only Jesus can. Duh. 

In the words of Alexander: Simples!

So join me today and give a quick thought to all those things you might be hoping in other than Jesus to be your "tree of life" and think to yourself...

am I trying to shove a square where a circle should be?  

Am I deferring my hope?

Told you there were no more Star Wars references. . .I just thought it was funny.

that's the way it should be

So at the moment the Little Lady is teething.  She has an incisor coming through and it's causing her all sorts of bother! Mummy has found the teething necklace stashed away in a draw and the Lady goes to bed with it round her ankle.  I don't think you can buy them in the UK any more after one of those safety scares that really amount to nothing more than over protective parents having fits at the mere possibility that something might happen to their little ones.  Fair enough.  Mummy has fits some times about cars driving too fast, stranger danger and childhood cancer but in the wise words of Disney and our sea-life friends:

Marlin: I promised I'd never let anything happen to him

Dory: Hmm.  That's a funny thing to promise.

Marlin:What?

Dory: Well, you can't never let anything happen to him.  Then nothing would ever happen to him

So on the teething beads go, but round the ankle needless to say.

this is me...aren't I dashing?

All this teething does mean however, I am an absolute necessity at the moment, and my it is good to feel needed!   Despite the fact that my tail is now brown rather than the fair golden it once was I am proud to take the title of "comforter, friend and all around favourite toy".  I am so loved, chewed and thus smelly that I have been in the washing machine twice recently. And I am glad to say the experience left the Josie's feeling a little jealous for the lady's affections albeit a little smug that it is no longer they tangled amongst sheets and then hung up to dry by their ears.  

I am also relieved that the little lady is no less fond of me. . . 

But it seems that this favouritism is getting under Mummy's skin.  When Mummy has to say no to all sorts of things that my Little Lady asks for e.g. chocolate buttons ten minutes before bedtime, yet another episode of Something Special (which, if you haven't seen it yet, I can personally guarantee it is indeed very special. Particularly when you've seen each episode at least 3 times), or to go outside when it's nap time, the Little Lady wails, cries and asks for "cat".  

or in this case scenario...cat!

"Cat!" She cries.  And it is accompanied by a look that says "how could you say no to me Mummy! I want my cat because he would never betray me, he would never do this to me!".  And the Little Lady is right, but that's why Mummy is Mummy and I am merely a cat.  I could not say no....but I think that Mummy knows best about chocolate buttons, television watching issues and nap time routines amongst other things.

Mummy has to set boundaries that the Little Lady might not always understand or appreciate but as a cat I have limited capacity to impact the Lady in this way.  But I see the way Mummy looks at me sometimes. . . I feel like she wants to wipe the embroidered smile right off my face, because in those moments I'm the good guy and she's the bad guy.

But at the end of it all I think one day the Lady will forget all about me and that's the way it should be, but she will never forget her Mummy. . .

and that's the way it should be.

365 no more...but the 176 challenge!

It finally happened people. . .

I finally missed out a photo. . .

I didn't even realise I'd done it. . .

Several weeks after the missed date I was happily scrolling back through my pictures and looking at the dates and I realised!  I'd finally had a day where I'd forgotten to take a photo and after closer inspection at least four days!

And I mean completely forgotten!  There have been some nights when I've been in bed for half an hour maybe even an hour and then I've remembered I haven't taken a photo to document my day and gotten out of bed, trudged downstairs and grabbed the camera desperately searching for something to photograph.

But not on January 9th apparently (the first of the missing pictures). Whatever happened that day my mind had no concern for taking a photo...at first I suspected that the Little Lady had got a bit too handsie!  She adores the camera; looking at pictures of Daddy and pictures of herself . . . although I don't think she realises it's her...I think she thinks "what's that other baby doing in my house and playing with all my toys...when did that happen Muma?"

But since realising it's actually been a real relief.  I haven't missed the pressure taking a photo every day caused, constantly thinking 'where's the camera, what can I take a picture of, is this a complete waste of time?'  I will also not miss having to upload them and label them all because it took AGES. . . mind you that's probably because I meant to upload every week not every eight weeks. . .

I am glad though because there are definitely some boring things that I've done, that I would have completely forgotten about had I not have taken a photo:

i.e the time the laundry monster came to stay

or when the Tesco bomb exploded in our Kitchen...once again

And there are some really great things that I'm pleased to have taken a picture of:

i.e the Little Lady with aging Great-Grandad

the one time my lounge didn't look like a rampant toddler lived there

It's lovely to see how much the Little Lady has grown over the last few months, her hair is longer for definite and if I compare the photo I took on her first birthday to the last one on January 8th I can't believe she used to sit like that...so little baby!

Even though I didn't make it all the way through I still enjoyed what I managed and who knows. . .I might find reason enough to try again in July. . .

woman vs. washing

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The earth is Holly’s and everything in it” The Bible. My version.

I have just spent an inordinate amount of time being annoyed at my washing line.  Picture the scene:

It is extremely windy today.  I am hanging out socks on one side.  The other three sides are filled already with, amongst other things and including Smelly JellyCat, four pairs of wet jeans.  I have asked the washing line to “Stay still!” and “Come back!” I’ve even hoped that appealing to it will help “Please don’t do that for goodness sake!” And yet the universe continues to defy me.  How annoying.

I’ve also been frustrated with my drying up pile. I stack pots, dishes and plastic containers very beautifully (albeit very precariously) and yet when they tumble onto the surface or floor I take it very, VERY personally. I feel that the strainer, potato peeler, measuring jug so on and so forth, have decided I need more hassle in my life and they want to make the pregnant lady bend over one more time for laughs. I feel that the crockery is being disobedient and it is very VERY annoying.

The toys don’t do so well from this world view either.  The toy car is waiting for its moment…the pushchair I’m sure has deliberately wheeled itself into my path, the building blocks, the books, they are all out to get me….none of them obey me, none of them listen, I am powerless.

Don’t they not know? Have they not heard?  The earth IS MINE and EVERYTHING in it.

As Mr. Tumble would say...Wait…

I’m sure that’s not right.

I’m pretty sure there’s something wrong with how I’m remembering that verse…

Well for one thing it appears I've amalgamated two verses into one:

Psalm 24:1 "the earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it,

    the world, and all who live in it;”

Isaiah 40:21-22 "Do you not know?

    Have you not heard?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
    Have you not understood since the earth was founded?
 God sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,
    and its people are like grasshoppers.”

Hmmm... yes that seems more familiar....no wonder inanimate objects won’t bow down to me. The laws of wind and gravity continue to obey the voice of the one who made them...not me.  I am a grasshopper in view of the entirety of creation. The earth and everything in it belong to God not me.

Yes that sounds correct.

Hello sin.  Once again you have successfully managed to make me believe that I am the most important thing in my life, you have once again convinced me that everyone and every THING should bow down and worship me because I am the Lord, you have blinded me and I have sat on the throne of my life again, I have usurped Jesus yet again as King, Lord and Saviour.  And if I am treating inanimate objects in such a way I can’t be doing very well with people. Let’s see... No wonder the flying cheese sandwich situation and resulting crumbs on a recently mopped floor incurred such wrath upon a reasonably innocent little lady.  No wonder suit bags, hangers and ties strewn on the bedroom floor result in a five minute imaginary argument where I throw every insult I can think of at a very sorry and puppy dog eyed husband.

No wonder.

I must remember “the earth is the Lord’s and everything it in” and it shouldn't be annoying.

I must remember I am a grasshopper. I would laugh if I found a grasshopper trying to boss my washing line around, that is how silly my actions seem to God. That is how silly they now seem to me. It’s a funny picture.

I must remember that God has rescued and redeemed me from my futile sinful ways so that I can use my time more wisely.  Rather than wasting it by being Lord of my life and getting angry with washing and toys I can know and love and serve him; the one who created it all. 

What a better way to spend a day. Here’s an electronic “cheers” with a cup of tea to the rest of the afternoon!

"please don't make me go" syndrome: part 2

Stupid Brain.  Stupid Heart.

Me-“I need to resolve the issue. I feel my last blog post was half finished”

Friend-“Are you ready to resolve the issue yet?”

Me-“I don’t know”

But it’s not a case of not knowing that God has me where he needs me- for now- to make me more like Jesus (aka at work rather than at home with the lovely little lady.)  It’s a case of obediently and joyfully accepting it for these next few months before Baby no.2 arrives. 

But I don’t want to.

I don’t want to be obedient.  

And even if I did I’m sure I’d do so begrudgingly rather than joyfully.

I don’t want to become more like Jesus.

I’m happy in my sin thank you very much.

That’s what it all boils down to.  

Today God has quietly asked me “what does your attitude tell you about how much you value my Kingdom?”

It tells me these three things:

1. I don’t value his Kingdom enough!  I value being able to believe that God wants to make me more like Jesus when it suits me, not him.

2. I've been blaming my sinful response (not wanting to be obedient and become more like Jesus) on the fact that I go to work.  I can hear myself saying “I wouldn't be feeling and acting like this if I didn't have to go to work”.  Because the grass is always greener. And because my heart is always quicker to look outside itself rather than at the sin within.

3.  For too long I've been trying to go to work in my own strength.  I've been looking inside and trying to well up some strange inner strength instead of looking to God who said “you can endure because I will give you the endurance you need”.

Whoever said obedience was easy?  Whoever said that believing in Jesus and desiring to become more like him was going to be a doddle?  Jesus said "pick up your cross and follow me". Do you know how heavy a crucifixion cross was…well neither do I.  All I know is I can barely move my own sofa to retrieve the toy car that’s zoomed underneath…

So here’s my prayer as I go to work again this morning…

“Lord I’m sorry that I don’t value being a part of your family as highly as I should.  Forgive me for all this time I've spent doing things in my own strength rather than relying on you to give me the grace I need to get through another day.  Forgive me for blaming my sin on my circumstances rather than looking at the sinful state of my own heart.  Father, help me today to rejoice in the fact that you want to make me more like Jesus in every part of my life using every circumstance you have place me in.  I thank you for my job.  I thank you for creating work for me to do and that doing that work today can give you glory and have eternal consequences. Help me to go in your strength so that you receive glory because of my obedient and joyful heart. Help me to remember that I said this prayer as I arrive at work so that it can continue to inspire me all day.  Amen ”

And I’m hoping that this will be a reality and more than just my Monday morning poker face.

‘please don’t make me go’ syndrome: part 1

What do you do when the usual ways you make yourself get up, hand your child over to someone else and go to work just aren't enough?

I keep telling myself this is what God has asked me to do for now, so I should remember that work is a good gift from him and it should remind me of him as my ultimate provider. I should know in my heart of hearts that going to work for his glory can have eternal significance;  as a friend aptly and helpfully put in a text to me on Monday when I was suffering yet again…or still…with ‘please don’t make me go’ syndrome.

I've thought about phoning work and saying “I’m ill” or “the little lady’s ill” but that of course my friends would be lying.  Although so helpfully- reminds my brain- “you are pregnant they’d understand and the Lady does have a nasty cough and didn't sleep a wink at nursery on Monday”, I've even thought about telling my manager I’m just not feeling up to it because she’d probably be very kind and let me have the day off…but the problem with that despite the fact it’s only half truth is that it doesn't solve the problem of what happens tomorrow morning…

So I’m feeling guilty about the imaginary “I’m ill” phone call, a little frustrated because I think the only reason I want to stay at home sometimes is because I’m lazy (so wonderfully implied by the PM’s aid recently), I’m grumpy with the Hubby because somehow it’s really his fault that I need to be at work right now, and I have no desire to enjoy the lady in these few short hours before nursery because I think if I can’t enjoy her for the whole days it’s just not really worth it.

So it’s all rubbish really.  But I’m going to go. I have to. I’ll probably vaguely enjoy it when I get there. But that’s not enough either.  Argh…nothing is enough this morning and I’m reminded of my own post from last week Enough Already and that’s not helping either.

Stupid brain.

I found a £20 note today!

Hooray! I found a £20 note today.  Don't you just love it when you find money...I found £10 in my front garden once too it was so exciting.

But this £20 already belonged to me.  

I went to a spa for the day on Saturday (I know, just thought I'd drop that one in) and so as to curtail any further expenditure I just shoved £20 in my bag and left my purse at home.  By the time I'd got to the spa...which was traumatic and included a twenty minute frustrating albeit scenic detour...no sign of the money! I was gutted and all I could think was that it had fallen out of my pocket and onto the pavement awaiting some stranger to snap it up without further thought to, me- the victim.

I searched my bag at least three times, my pockets at least five, hoping that on the final time it would have magically reappeared.  In the car park I got down on my hands and knees and looked under the car and I even had a poke around the shrubbery.  When I got home it was dark so looking around the drive was going to be futile.  I checked everywhere at home, under the shoe rack, in piles of paper work where it couldn't possibly have been, in the recycling just in case baby brain was really beginning to kick in...

Then this morning I pushed back the passenger seat in my car and ta-da! There was my £20 note.  I jumped up and down and waved my hands in the air which amused the little lady no end and several passers by too. Immediately I thought of the parable of the lost coin.  And felt a little guilty..."I don't do this song and dance about the gospel every day" I thought, "I'm never this excited when I'm reminded of how much I've been saved".  But then it occurred to me to read the parable.  Here it is:

"Suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Doesn't she light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbours together and says 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.' In the same way I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents" Luke 15: 8-10

and I was relieved to realise that God reminded me of this parable in my almost identical situation to show me that the joy I experienced over finding my money is just a mere shadow of the joy that God had when he found me!

Not to make me feel guilty about how little I sometimes rejoice over him.  Although there's probably reason for a little guilt most days....

Despite that I went to work please that I'd found my money but even more pleased that God had graciously used the whole fiasco to remind me of how precious I am to him and how much joy my repentance has brought to him and his angels.

What a privilege.    

Enough already.

Back in January the Hubby started a new job.  It's much more suited to his talents and he looks very handsome in a suit although of course I am biased...

anywho...it has been really good so far and a real testament to God's faithfulness and provision for us as we received news of the new job around the same time we found out we were expecting baby no.2.

But this last week has been a bit of a strain on the old family life.  Hubby  has left the house before 7am and arrived home around 10pm three nights in a row this week and although it's only been a few days it has left me feeling a little like a single parent!  I now  have a deeper sense of sympathy and understanding for friends I know whose Husbands are frequently away with work...and mine's not even away!

So you'd think that the lack of husband this week would make me realise how blessed I am and make me more appreciative of him.  But nope, of course not, that would be outrageous... instead I chose to allow it to make me feel a little proud; "see", I said to myself "I can do this all by myself, I'm perfectly capable".  Well.  True that may be however, God didn't allow me to feel that way for long...

I'm currently reading "Note to Self" by Joe Thorn our Church book for the term.  Yesterday I read  the chapter called Jesus is Enough and I was so challenged by the following statement:

"When you find your deepest satisfaction in Jesus, you are protected from bitterness in times of want and pride in times of abundance.  For you, Christian, all good gifts should remind you of the Giver, and their absence should remind you of that which never fades nor can be taken away"

I am clearly not finding my deepest satisfaction in Jesus, I have been quite bitter with the hubby over his time at work this week, telling him in a text yesterday that he should be grateful for all I've been doing...in a jokey way...but WE ALL KNOW the little emotional, manipulative daggers we try and hide behind such "humorous" statements. Then on the other hand when I feel I have coping strategies in abundance I have become proud "check me out what a wonderful single parent I would have made!". Ugh how disgusting is sin.

The good gift of my husband has not reminded me of the one who gave him to me and his absence certainly hasn't reminded me of Jesus my ultimate loving husband.

I have not been finding much satisfaction in Jesus at all really rather in digestive biscuits, excessive cups of tea, hurtful comments when I'm overwhelmed and pride when things are going well.  And of course BBC iplayer. 

But thank God for... well... himself. And also Joe Thorn.  I've recognised my bitterness and pride and I'm trying not to feel good about that either "oh I'm so amazingly self-aware blah, blah, blah".  I'm just hoping since the lovely hubby got home at 6:30pm this evening that I can thank God for (and enjoy) our evening together and remember that as much as I love my husband I will one day experience a face to face and everlasting encounter with the ultimate, way better than my own, husband.

And so to stir fry. Yum.

Blunder Mum

When's it coming...

when will it happen...

when will The Idea arrive...?

just keep blogging, just keep blogging, just keep blogging, blogging, blogging...

inspiration from Dory!

There are so many things I could have "just blogged about" since January 21st after a few weeks worth of Ideas...but wanting to be full of wit, gracious words and deep insight has left me shrinking back from the old blog...what if no-one reads it...I'm already way behind on page views compared to the other wonder mum's with their wonder mum blogs.

This is why I don't put up my statistics.  It's an unhelpful "my blog is better than yours!" (I'm humming that to the song about milkshake... you know the one).  And although every blog is every blogger's 15 minutes of fame on their own little stage I didn't blog for the ego boost originally.  I blogged to be an encouragement to others. Honest, that's how it started.

Of course it's lovely to have comments, it makes me feel like what I have to say matters. It's lovely to see people reading what I've written and I 'humbly' receive comments from close friends and family who keep themselves up to date with the blog.

But what's the point if it takes months between posts...bloggers's block, too busy, too uninspired, not enough of an ego boost to be worth the effort...the newbie bloggers buzz has subsided..and I'm just me.

what if I'm just really a rubbish Christian and I can no longer "confess" because I too am trying to be a wonder mum blogger when really I'm just a blunder mum blogger.  A mum who's yelled at her daughter three times already today, sat in front of the telly instead of cleaning the bathroom or reading her Bible...

I must confess I know people will say "it's ok, we all do these things... it could be worse".

It could be a lot worse.  I could face all this without knowing that

"When I'm stained with guilt and sin,
he is there to lift me, heal me and forgive me,
gives me strength to stand again,
stronger than I was before"

here endeth the wonder mum posts.

here beginneth "confessions of a blunder mum"!

And then there were...four!

So it’s been very busy and I haven’t had a chance to catch up with you all recently.  We of the rabbit variety are very very busy over the festive period.  It is a little known fact that we are key elements of the STPT (Santa’s Toy Preparation Team) and work closely with his elves…well what did you think we did for the rest of the year!?  Easter only takes up about six weeks!  Any who, I've taken some time to recuperate only to find that my sister and I are no longer the “Little Lady’s favourite toy”.

This is an outrage.

We have been usurped by two other, and need I say, inferior toys. 

This is Jelly Cat:

And this is the aptly named Smedward (short for smelly Edward):

These two have usurped mine and Josie #2’s place in the sucking order.  We are the last ones needed for comfort and a good old night time chew.  We are devastated.  We have spent the last two weeks moping around, buried at the bottom of the toy box despite Mummy’s best efforts to get the Little Lady to play with us.  But then came a moment we had lost all hope of:

I must admit it felt like a beautiful moment of reconciliation and also a moment when I could see beyond mine and Josie #2's bright pink fur and look at the bigger picture.  We all must be friends, a team, a family willing to look after the Little Lady when she needs us.  It also means I don’t have to spend too much time lost under a pile of dirty washing or be hung up to dry by my ears…which is much more painful than you humans can appreciate.

Then we all received some wonderful news and we’re really looking forward to the opportunities and challenges it will present for our little furry family of four…

The Little Lady is expecting a baby brother or sister!!!!

So really it’s a good thing as our furry family has expanded because our human family is expanding and I’m sure our furry comforting skills will be needed more than ever by July 31st!

A Tiny Talker at heart...

So I started a new kiddy class today.  The Little Lady and I have hung up the Tiny Talk hat and have put on the Tumble Tots t-shirt…quite literally you get your own t-shirt…well the Lady does anyway. 

Good Bye Tiny Talk classes :(

I was feeling fine about the change at the end of last term.  We had our final class, handed over a thank you card to the lovely Claire whose class we've been going to since April and said our good byes.  But today as I went to a different class I realised I’m actually really sad about leaving Tiny Talk behind. We have absolutely loved Tiny Talk!  It’s been brilliant to learn the sign language and all the songs and I’ll never forget when the Lady did her first sign.  

At the end of last term she got her final certificate to say she was using 45 plus signs by 17 months and that she was an extra-ordinary communicator!  And I really think she is.  We have conversations about what we see when we’re out for a walk, she tells me she can see buses, Lorries and dogs.  She can put two signs together now, she does the sign for “where” and then “Daddy?”.  She asks where Daddy is all the time (even if he’s just gone upstairs)!  It’s SO cute.

The signing is helping us get used to the idea of potty training as the Lady can tell us that she’s doing a little something special for us in her nappy… now we just need to get her to do it on the potty! But the point is she knows what she’s doing, she signs for potty and  she signs for wipes…even though it’s occasionally on the late side. She understands so much of her world and  it’s all because of Tiny Talk.

I was really grateful the other day when I hadn't noticed the oven clock alarm sounding to tell me my cakes were ready and the Little Lady waddled over to me and signed “I hear a noise!” and so off I went to rescue our cakes. What a star!

Although last week it made me a little bit sad as her nursery worker told me she signs for Mummy a lot when she’s at nursery and the old mother’s guilt crept in…

Hello Tumble Tots!

But today we braved it to Tumble Tots. And we had a great time.  The Lady soon got the hang of the circuits and was crawling through tunnels, doing forward rolls, sliding down slides and jumping on mini-trampolines.  At the end of the session there’s a challenge on one of the apparatus and if you complete it you get a star stamp on your hand.  The Little Lady completed it three times and got three stamps!

And after each stamp she looked at the instructor and signed 

“thank you”. 

We may not have been at Tiny Talk today… 

but we were there in spirit!