Thankful Thursdays

I am thankful that today lovely little lady no.1 is at nursery!

I am thankful that last night I had a better night’s sleep.

I am thankful that little lady no.2 is having nice periods of wakefulness during the day and has begun to smile at me.

The smiles make the trauma and sleeplessness of the first six weeks worth it. However I still want to hit people who say to me “enjoy every moment, they grow up so fast”.  Too true, they do grow up fast, and thanks for all the added pressure of enjoying every moment, on top of keeping myself and little lady no.1 clean, fed and sane.

I am thankful for every moment but I have not necessarily enjoyed it.  Babies are hard work!  It has not helped that last week the husband worked nearly 80 hours and was away on one of the worst nights with little lady no.2 so far.  I have had my patience, gentleness, kindness and self-control tested to the max and unfortunately after one slip of the tongue I find myself having to explain to little lady no.1 why Mummy said “shut up” to the baby, in  a less than friendly tone, and why she should not repeat it.  Not exactly enjoyable! More guilty trippy really.

I find it currently hard to cope with the fact that although sleeplessness doesn’t help the situation it is not to blame for my sin.  The bitterness and self-centredness was already there it was just lurking deeper in my heart than I ever imagined and it has taken the tornado of baby + toddler + extremely busy husband to bring it into the harsh light of day.

However I am thankful that the Lord has never and hasn’t currently given me circumstances beyond what I can endure and I am trying to be thankful that he works to make me more like Jesus all the time!  Now is the right time for me to have two children, it wouldn’t be easier at a different stage of life, or if…or if…or if….  God has given me what I need right now, in this moment, to make me rely on him even more than ever before.  I depend on him for patience, gentleness, kindness and self-control more than I could ever have imagined.

In moments of despair when I feel it’s all too much to handle I am thankful that he has “delivered me from the domain of darkness and transferred me into the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom I have redemption, the forgiveness of my sins” Colossians 1:13-14.

And in moments of gummy smiles and happy toddler I am thankful that in all things he is teaching me “to walk in a manner worthy of him” Colossians 1:10 and that he wants me bear fruit as a wife and Mummy personally and for his kingdom’s sake, so whatever happens, whatever comes next I can live… and sometimes sleep in a way that is fully pleasing to him.