I am thankful that
today lovely little lady no.1 is at nursery!
I am thankful that last
night I had a better night’s sleep.
I am thankful that
little lady no.2 is having nice periods of wakefulness during the day and has begun to smile at me.
The smiles make
the trauma and sleeplessness of the first six weeks worth it. However I still
want to hit people who say to me “enjoy every moment, they grow up so fast”. Too true, they do grow up fast, and thanks
for all the added pressure of enjoying every moment, on top of keeping myself
and little lady no.1 clean, fed and sane.
I am thankful for
every moment but I have not necessarily enjoyed it. Babies are hard work! It has not helped that last week the husband
worked nearly 80 hours and was away on one of the worst nights with little lady
no.2 so far. I have had my patience, gentleness,
kindness and self-control tested to the max and unfortunately after one slip of
the tongue I find myself having to explain to little lady no.1 why Mummy said “shut
up” to the baby, in a less than friendly
tone, and why she should not repeat it. Not
exactly enjoyable! More guilty trippy really.
I find it currently
hard to cope with the fact that although sleeplessness doesn’t help the situation
it is not to blame for my sin. The bitterness
and self-centredness was already there it was just lurking deeper in my heart
than I ever imagined and it has taken the tornado of baby + toddler + extremely
busy husband to bring it into the harsh light of day.
However I am thankful
that the Lord has never and hasn’t currently given me circumstances beyond what
I can endure and I am trying to be thankful that he works to make me more like
Jesus all the time! Now is the right
time for me to have two children, it wouldn’t be easier at a different stage of
life, or if…or if…or if…. God has given
me what I need right now, in this moment, to make me rely on him even more than
ever before. I depend on him for
patience, gentleness, kindness and self-control more than I could ever have
imagined.
In moments of despair
when I feel it’s all too much to handle I am thankful that he has “delivered me
from the domain of darkness and transferred me into the kingdom of his beloved
Son, in whom I have redemption, the forgiveness of my sins” Colossians 1:13-14.
And in moments of
gummy smiles and happy toddler I am thankful that in all things he is teaching
me “to walk in a manner worthy of him” Colossians 1:10 and that he wants me
bear fruit as a wife and Mummy personally and for his kingdom’s sake, so
whatever happens, whatever comes next I can live… and sometimes sleep in a way
that is fully pleasing to him.
