Enough already.

Back in January the Hubby started a new job.  It's much more suited to his talents and he looks very handsome in a suit although of course I am biased...

anywho...it has been really good so far and a real testament to God's faithfulness and provision for us as we received news of the new job around the same time we found out we were expecting baby no.2.

But this last week has been a bit of a strain on the old family life.  Hubby  has left the house before 7am and arrived home around 10pm three nights in a row this week and although it's only been a few days it has left me feeling a little like a single parent!  I now  have a deeper sense of sympathy and understanding for friends I know whose Husbands are frequently away with work...and mine's not even away!

So you'd think that the lack of husband this week would make me realise how blessed I am and make me more appreciative of him.  But nope, of course not, that would be outrageous... instead I chose to allow it to make me feel a little proud; "see", I said to myself "I can do this all by myself, I'm perfectly capable".  Well.  True that may be however, God didn't allow me to feel that way for long...

I'm currently reading "Note to Self" by Joe Thorn our Church book for the term.  Yesterday I read  the chapter called Jesus is Enough and I was so challenged by the following statement:

"When you find your deepest satisfaction in Jesus, you are protected from bitterness in times of want and pride in times of abundance.  For you, Christian, all good gifts should remind you of the Giver, and their absence should remind you of that which never fades nor can be taken away"

I am clearly not finding my deepest satisfaction in Jesus, I have been quite bitter with the hubby over his time at work this week, telling him in a text yesterday that he should be grateful for all I've been doing...in a jokey way...but WE ALL KNOW the little emotional, manipulative daggers we try and hide behind such "humorous" statements. Then on the other hand when I feel I have coping strategies in abundance I have become proud "check me out what a wonderful single parent I would have made!". Ugh how disgusting is sin.

The good gift of my husband has not reminded me of the one who gave him to me and his absence certainly hasn't reminded me of Jesus my ultimate loving husband.

I have not been finding much satisfaction in Jesus at all really rather in digestive biscuits, excessive cups of tea, hurtful comments when I'm overwhelmed and pride when things are going well.  And of course BBC iplayer. 

But thank God for... well... himself. And also Joe Thorn.  I've recognised my bitterness and pride and I'm trying not to feel good about that either "oh I'm so amazingly self-aware blah, blah, blah".  I'm just hoping since the lovely hubby got home at 6:30pm this evening that I can thank God for (and enjoy) our evening together and remember that as much as I love my husband I will one day experience a face to face and everlasting encounter with the ultimate, way better than my own, husband.

And so to stir fry. Yum.