Sleep. Glorious Sleep

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?  Ernest Hemmingway

So apparently seven to eight hours sleep is what the human body needs to be revived and re energised each night.  Well anyone with a baby can tell you that they rarely get eight hours sleep a night!  I know some parents with five and six year olds who still don't get a full night’s sleep.  For me and for many other mums the sleepless nights begin before the little one has even arrived.  With my back under constant and growing strain and a bladder with no room, night times during pregnancy made for frequent toilet visits and lots of tossing and turning with pillows trying to get comfortable.  However, it all seemed to be good prep for when baby finally arrived as I was quite used to being up three or four times a night!

This morning I woke up after eight hours sleep in a row.  What a luxury...I was so pleased with myself, as if I had achieved something truly great!  But the more I thought about it the more worried I became as I suddenly realised that I now had no excuse left for losing my temper or not doing various dull chores...with eight hours sleep under my belt according to my own standards this was the day that Super Mum should emerge.  As I was sitting in my rocking chair feeding the baby lady I realised that my own heart is very cunning and has allowed me to justify my short temper and laziness under the banner of tiredness. 

Jeremiah 17:9 says “the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick”.  I cannot blame all the things I usually blame tiredness for.  I have to blame it on my heart.  My heart which says “don’t worry it’s not your fault you lost your temper you’re just tired” or “You wouldn’t find doing the washing up such a chore if you weren’t so tired” But this day has proven to me that eight hours sleep doesn’t equal Super Mum!  I have found things hard, I have been a tad lazier than I should have been and I have still found myself frustrated at the usual things.  Thankfully however, there is a cure for my sick heart and that is receiving a new one from Jesus.  In Ezekiel 36:26 God makes this promise to us “I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” There’s no way I can cure myself!  Even the most effective self-improvement programmes which help me to try harder will fail if the real problem of my sick heart is not addresses.  There’ll always be something else that brings out my selfishness the only option left is a heart transplant and Jesus is my willing donor.

What a cheesy finish!  But it’s so true. Christ wants to give us hearts like his; generous, patient, loving, caring, kind, faithful, obedient hearts that put him in his right place and reveal our sin to us rather than leaving us to fester as we listen to the lies our sick hearts tell us.  So tomorrow morning, eight hours sleep or not I’m gonna wake up and ask God to give me a Christ-like heart so I can face the day, my sin and all its frustrations with a Christ-like attitude.

Some real treasure...

Look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen colour and design quite like it...

My bible reading notes recently have been talking about the importance of simplicity and I have been challenged to do a little clearing out!  There is a whole pile of recycling on the spare bed as we speak waiting to be shredded and made into toilet paper or whatever they’ll be making out of my old report cards and year ten history books.  But it’s not just clearing out old stuff that is no longer needed that I have been thinking about, I’ve been thinking about all the  “things” I have in my house; the piles of DVDs, books, CDs, clothes, games and picture frames… do I actually really need all these things?  

Jesus teaches us to store up “things” or as he describes them “treasures” in heaven and he gives two reasons: 

1. We cannot take anything from here on earth with us when we die (Luke 12:13-21)and
2. All the things we love and cherish here will eventually rot and disappear (Matthew 6:19-21).   

Two rather sobering statements! Especially as I am rather fond of my clothes…and my films…and my jewellery…and my photo albums…and my knitting wool… and my baking equipment…and so the list goes on.  But Jesus teaches that we must be seeking the kingdom of God above all other comforts and that true satisfaction in life is not found in the status and security that our possessions give us but in a relationship with him! How am I to teach my little one to live for him alone if I am an avid hoarder of “things”, how can I teach her to value simplicity when she herself is already surrounded by her own little pile of “things”!?

This Christmas there was a large pool of presents around our Christmas tree and then the in-laws turned up with a whole lot more to add to the wrapping paper carnage!  I would estimate over half the presents under the tree were for our baby girl.  Now of course presents are a blessing and an expression of love and appreciation… but there were definitely more presents than were needed to tell her how much we love her and instead a lot of them served to help me feel like I’m keeping up with the Yummy Mummies.

We can’t take things with us when we die and everything we treasure here will eventually rot and disappear.  But more than that, I think what Jesus is getting at in the above passages is that if I’m living a simple life it demonstrates to my friends and family (and above all my baby girl!) that I believe my satisfaction in life cannot be found in this world and its treasures, but can only be provided by being in a relationship with Jesus.  On the other hand I don’t want to be a Scrooge and forget Jesus made everything, he’s the ultimate inventor and giver of good gifts!  He thought up DVD’s and toys, clothes and comfy furniture and gave them to me to enjoy.  The things I own are not inherently evil but the status and priority I give them in my heart is if I love them more than I love Jesus. 

Never fear though there’s always a handy bible passage for a spot of much needed encouragement.  

If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds. 

Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen colour and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them. 

 If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting things, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.  
Matthew 6:25-33 The Message

I think before I do more clearing out I need to pray that God would remind me that he sees all my needs and provides for them, that a relationship with him is vastly more satisfying than possessions and that I have no need to worry about things that aren’t worth worrying about in the long run!

I think only then can I hope to teach my little girl what is really important; seeking to serve the kingdom of God.

Whitney and Jesus...

So yesterday morning after an eventful weekend of friends and family I was dozing to the radio as my baby girl allowed me a little lie in!  As I was coming round to the idea of getting up and giving the little lady her morning milk and planning a hectic day of coo-ing, babbling, nappy changes and finger food madness I was tuning in and out to snippets of news. I realised that amongst the weekend’s business I’d totally missed Whitney Houston’s funeral.  In the thirty seconds of air time her funeral was allotted this bite size statement from Kevin Costner’s emotional eulogy rang in my ears:  

"So off you go, Whitney. Off you go. Escorted by an army of angels to your heavenly father, and when you sing before him don’t you worry, YOU’LL BE GOOD ENOUGH."

There’s no denying this is a beautiful image and a sentiment that we can all appreciate in such sad circumstances.  But I found myself thinking...if a Whitney Houston voice is what we need to be good enough how will most of us fare before God!? Not too well I imagine!  What’s more I began thinking to myself- am I good enough?  What do I do, what do I have that is good enough to bring before God?

I guess I could offer my mothering skills...I’ve been pretty good so far, I’ve given my child my body for nine months, I’ve fed her, clothed her, comforted her, helped her grow and develop.  But as a mother it is easy to constantly ask yourself “Am I good enough?” Am I reading to her enough, playing with her enough, giving her enough love, attention and affection, am I being lazy when I give her food from a jar...and don’t even get me started on all the questions I ask myself when I think about having to drop her off at nursery when I return to work in April!!!  

But thankfully I know that when I die I won’t have to be worrying about whether I’m good enough to stand before God because he couldn’t care less about whether or not I’ve been good enough but whether I’ve been trusting in Jesus who was good enough on my behalf.  So whether you’ve got a Whitney Houston voice or you’re an average mum trying to raise a baby God’s grace levels the playing field because: “God saved you through faith as an act of kindness. You had nothing to do with it. Being saved is a gift from God.” Ephesians 2:8. 

What a relief! 

Ode to a cup of tea

One of the worst things about having a baby -besides being woken up at unearthly hours, being pooed on, sicked on, snotted on and peed on- is suddenly being confronted by how self-centred you can be.  My baby girl has a morning nap like most babies but the difficult thing is guessing how long it will last.  Time and time again whether twenty minutes into a nap or an hour... after having rushed around putting all the dirty crockery and cutlery in the dishwasher, having freed our cat from the monster that is our laundry basket and having updated the all important Facebook status to tell everyone that the cat is alive and well, I finally sit down with a cup of tea.  But the inevitable murmurs begin being broadcast via the baby monitor.  My suddenly rosy demeanour wilts and I trudge upstairs, all I want is five minutes more to relax and have my tea, why can't she stay asleep for a little longer...

Paul Reiser reflected on this in an article in Good Housekeeping in 1997 he stated: “Having a baby dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption”.  Putting myself first in something as simple as being able to relax and enjoy a cup of tea is something I would not have thought twice about before I had a baby and it extends well beyond having a cup of tea.  Finishing the washing up, cooking tea, putting the laundry on, reading my book, watching re-runs of America’s Next Top Model (yes I publically admit it), lounging in the bath, drying my hair, checking my emails and so the list goes on. Now don’t get me wrong, God created work for us to do and all the recreational things we love.  There’s nothing wrong with having a cup of tea or any of the above tasks (except maybe the Top Model thing...!) when enjoying them out of reverence for God’s good gifts to us and out of obedience to Christ.  But more often than not my frustration at not being able to finish many of these activities is not because I cannot finish being servant hearted and obedient, but because of how much I value being able to remain in control and put myself first. 

I have often found myself saying “Wait a minute!” or “Hang on, Mummy just wants to finish this” and I think about how I would feel if I called out to Jesus and he told me to wait a minute! Jesus never sought to put himself first and he was always looking out for the weak and vulnerable without a dash of self-interest and I find myself wondering how many cups of tea he happily left to come to the aid of someone who called out to him?

Mark 10: 45 "The Son of Man himself has not come to be served but to serve, and to give his life to set many others free".

In the words of Fraulein Maria...

Let's start at the very beginning.  A very good place to start!  So here goes: I had a four hour labour on two paracetamol and half a Jelly Baby, only six hours after giving birth I was wearing my jeans and only ten hours later was home again watching an episode of Star Trek and sipping a cup of tea.  For the first week my hubby of five and a half years and I took it in turns to stay up with our baby girl and check that she was still breathing.  During those nights I drank a lot of tea, changed a lot of nappies, paused the TV more than watched it, ate a lot of digestives, mopped up a lot of sick, shed a lot of tears and thought about becoming a panda so dark were the circles under my eyes.   During the day I wiled away the hours asking my husband “is she alright" or "what do you think she wants?”.  Every little cry, every movement brought our immediate attention to this tiny, incapable, vulnerable creature that was totally dependent upon us… 

A few nights ago I came to the aid of my baby girl when she woke up crying; I held her against my chest in the dark and sung “Little Peter Rabbit” to her.  She eventually relaxed and went back to sleep, her little body slumped peacefully against mine.  I remember being struck by the huge amount of trust in me she displayed by falling asleep on me and I thought about what I am like as one of God’s babies.   Do I really trust in my heart that he will provide for my every need? Do I understand that when I’m hungry he will feed me and when I am sad he will comfort me?  Do I trust him enough to completely relax in his arms and let him carry me?  

I try to love and follow the Lord Jesus, I am a wife and a mummy but I am no expert!  I do not claim any special wisdom… or trade secrets!  But what I do want to do is just share about how being a mummy has changed me, how it has confronted my selfishness and my pride, even though I don’t want those things to be challenged or brought into the harsh light of day.  But above all I want to share how it has deepened my understanding of God’s grace and mercy towards me.  I must confess that I don’t think every post will be about being a Christian mum, some will be about being a mum and others about being a Christian, but I hope the best ones will be a bit of both.