It’s hard to blog when you’re constantly thinking about being vaguely
inspirational and witty. Especially when
you’re lacking inspiration and being witty is too much hassle. Blogging is especially hard when you think
about the public persona you have to live up to, a rod for one’s own back me
thinks!
One piece of advice I was given when thinking about blogging and finding
sources of inspiration was to recycle.
Look at articles, read books, nab poems, rephrase…it’s basically
acceptable plagiarism! So tonight I thought "easy peasy!" I’ll just take a look at
my book called “Soul Food for Mums”, it’s usually quite interesting and
helpful, I can just recycle this week’s topic.
I can borrow someone else’s inspiration and wit and pass it on as my own…
But I then realised that all I would be doing would be lying to myself
and the handful of faithful readers out there!
So here’s what I’ve really been dealing with recently:
The Forgiveness List:
I have lost my temper so many times recently, taken God’s holy and
precious name and made it into a swear word, been angry towards my brothers and
sisters in Christ, hated people, been impatient with people, been self-serving
and self-seeking (in fact I was thinking the other day there isn’t one single
positive word that begins with “self”…please correct me if I’m wrong!). There are so many things I have done wrong
and I haven’t asked forgiveness for a single one. Then, in a few brief recent moments, when I
have thought about apologizing to God I haven’t known where to start! Or how to tackle my huge list of sins and I’ve panicked and given up
thinking I’m just too sinful to come to God.
The Realization:
On Sunday my frustration was finally vented and talked about with
a kind Church family member. Later that day I said to God “I’m sorry”. And that was it. I didn’t have to list all the things I’d been
thinking about, I didn’t have to try and recall sins I’d forgotten I had
committed. Psalm 139 tells me that God
knows when I stand up and sit down, he’s got a pretty good memory and remembers
ALL my sins BUT the great thing about being genuinely sorry and asking for forgiveness
is that he then instantly forgets them.
My slate is wiped clean because God has already poured out his anger
towards my sin on Jesus and all I need to do is trust that fact and live in light of it.
Happy Monday:
A good friend came to my house on
Monday and I told her how I’d been feeling and what’s being going on in my
head. Together we briefly looked at
Isaiah 25 here is the first verse: “O Lord, you
are my God; I will exalt you; I will praise your name, for you have done
wonderful things, plans formed of old, faithful and sure.” The last thing I
have thought about recently is exalting the Lord and praising his name and it’s
the last thing I’ve done. But my friend
pointed out to me that coming back to the Lord and asking for his forgiveness
was exalting the Lord! It honours him
and gives praise to his name.
So that’s it. That’s what I’ve
been thinking about in the past few days.
I hope it’s useful, I hope it tells you a bit about my heart and my journey
but most importantly a bit about what kind of God I worship.
