The past week has been interesting. It was my first week back at work! A part of me would like to say that I wandered
the corridors moping for my baby girl, that I spent every minute of my working
day thinking about what she was doing and every half hour I had to sneak into
the locker room to draw strength from the pile of photos of her I had stashed
away in my hand bag...however... I did none of those things and I will admit
that I actually forgot about the little lady for several hours at a time.
Shock, horror!
I guess my main worry as I have anticipate
my return to work is that I would feel uber guilty, that I would feel less of a
mum for not being with my baby every day, that I would in fact become a part
time mum!
But what I have found in my few days back
at work is that I feel like a more rounded person. I am more than the title “mother” allows me, don’t
get me wrong it gives me great joy to be
a mother and I know how privileged I am to be one, but when I am at work I find
I am just Holly. I am me in the singular!
And I can be myself without constant regard for the little lady and I must confess
that I find it re-energising...I come home physically tired but mentally
re-energised, ready for playing and reading stories, making dinners, doing
laundry and breaking up baby vs cat round 5 with new enthusiasm.
For a few hours each week I get to put my
mind to other tasks and be with other people and make an impact in other people's
lives outside of those in my immediate family.
For me personally I have realised this is essential and even though I cried for
many a night before returning to work I realise now it was because I wasn’t
prepared to deal with NOT feeling guilty! I was crying because I was feeling guilty about the
possibility that I might not feel guilty for returning to work... I hope you're still following my logic.
So far I have looked forward to my days at
work almost as equally as I have looked forward to those spent at home with my
baby girly...
...almost.
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