Sorry I’ve not been
able to blog for a while! Life has been so busy, with a little trip to catch up with all the fam and then there was sunshine
which of course means lazy days but here’s a little thought…I promise to blog
more regularly in the next few weeks!!!
Anyways…here we go: There’s
nothing worse than feeling like a bad mother.
Today has been one of those days where I’ve slowly devolved into a
grizzling grouchy monster. With greasy
hair, a jumper covered in baby snot, jeans pasted with mashed up sweet corn
crisps, no milk in the fridge and two giant piles of washing I want nothing
more than to curl up into a ball and cry it all away. It’s not just today either my feelings are
all over the place at the moment, some days I’m really bored of playing
peek-a-boo and some days I find it really exciting to see my little ones face
light up as I reappear from behind the blanket. Some days I’m ridiculously
tired because I’ve been up several times in one night to deal with a teething
baby and on other days I have bags of enthusiasm for swimming and walks to the
park despite a lack of sleep. The other
night I was in tears about having to return to work and yet today as I’ve
picked bits of Courgette and Butternutsquash up from around the high chair I’m
pleased to think that someone else will be dealing with the mess for a few days
a week instead of me!
Last night I got up at
3am to change a nappy and put some teething gel on a rather unhappy little lady
and once I’d settled her back down and got myself into bed I began worrying about going back to work
again. Silly stuff like when would I have
time to go and buy resources, who will I be working with this time, how quickly
will I be expected to get back to a full timetable…? The panic set in as I also thought about when
I was going to fit in the washing up, the weekly shop, laundry, plus all the fun stuff like swimming, trips
to the library, knitting and baking and up until this moment I haven’t even
thought about what will happen to my (currently not so regular) regular quiet time
with God and I’m even thinking the last thing I want to do is speak to God
about all the stuff that’s stressing me out because it’s just one more thing to
add to my huge “to do” list.
I think this whole
thought process reveals a lot about my attitude towards all the things that are
on my mind at the moment. I’ve realised
that there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of joy. Ok there’s the occasional peek-a-boo moment
but overall I think I’m missing a bit of joy.
This seems somewhat ironic since I claim to worship a God who says “I
will make your joy complete” (John 16: 24) Looking more closely at the verse I
see what it is that will make my joy complete… “Until
now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and
your joy will be complete.” I have
forgotten that I serve a generous God who sees all my needs (Luke 12:22-24) and
will happily provide for me and in fact it is his good pleasure to do so (Luke
12:32) and if I ask he will not give me a bad gift (Luke 11:11-13)! I can take joy from my job and from my
time spent at home equally as long as I ask God to provide all that I need to do each
task well and for his glory!
So really rather than worrying about what
and when and how I'm gonna talk to God and ask him to take care of the nitty
gritty so I can get on with seeking the joy that is mine in Christ.
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